Pin For The Win

We meet again, oh faithful followers. Speaking of followers, if you come to my blog every week and read it, thank you so much, but don't be shy. Click 'join this site' and follow me officially. For all the world to see. There's nothing to be ashamed of; I am clearly an outstanding example of a human and you will only look better if you associate yourself with me. 

This week's blog title is inspired by a spectacular performance by my animals. I expect that Pin commissioned blackmailed Lucy, the less-devious-but-more-mischievous one, into being her partner-in-crime, for I can only assume at least four cat-hands were required for such a feat. We have a problem with damp in one of our walls, and I'm talking a serious problem. As in...this is what I'm faced with every day. 

Yes, that is fungal growth in my wall

Now, just to clarify, it's not like we enjoy the fungus. We are embroiled in some kind of damp-stalemate with the neighbours - apparently we share the wall, and their house is leaking into ours, but the great effort involved in mending the leak is too much, and there's no fungus over there so ours is still here and it keeps growing back, post-removal. Anyhoo, the damp is now spreading across the carpet and into the rug across the floor. So whilst inspecting the carpet, we folded up the big rug to inspect the damage beneath. We lifted it up and LO! There, revealed to us, was a completely flat, dead mouse. 

I don't know if they killed it, and then hid it. Or put it under there alive and it was crushed. Or if it was alive, died and was crushed. Or if they somehow....flattened it...and then just put it under there as a treat.
I wasn't even cross, I was merely in awe of the apparent strength of my genius felines. 

Following such a thrilling anecdote, here is this week's top five for your perusal. I'm going to Zimbabwe on Friday (casual) so soak up as much pleasure from this as you can, because there will be nothing for a whole TWO WEEKS. 

ONE. 

I went down to my aunt's holiday house last week with my uni housemates. We did very little, but it was grand. I hardly took any photos because they would have been pictures of us napping, reading heat, watching How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days, playing board games and eating loads. The ones I do have were taken during a particularly rousing game of Balderdash.

TWO.

Zimbabwe. Friday. Two weeks. Children's conference in Harare. We're also going to Victoria Falls, which the team did in 2009 and they bungee jumped there. That is definitely not happening this year.  I've been busy this week preparing to go - I spent about an hour looking for skits for the older children. Who writes these things?! They are the cheesiest things I have ever read. Go here for the worst website probably of all time, featuring the strangest things ever written, including a skit entitled "be nice or else". 

THREE. 

I found another absolutely incred website through StumbleUpon (seriously, someone employ me). It is brilliant for anyone who's ever lived in halls or lived with me. It features people who don't really like outright confrontation but are more than happy to leave a passive-aggressive note. The worst ones are the ones that try to be friendly at the same time as being a d-bag. Like... "hi guys! sorry to be a total pain but could you pleeeeeeease put used teabags in the biiiiiiiiiin? It's totally unsanitary leaving them out and I'm just really really keen on being hygienic. Thaaaaaanks!!"  But who am I to talk, I practically just described myself haha. 

FOUR.

Following the joy last week's cat video received, I have decided to share another beauty with you. Anyone who has a cat will heart 'Simon's Cat'.  I have only watched a few, and they are quite a recent discovery. This is my absolute favourite, HAHA it is so so funny. The cat's face is the best thing.

FIVE.
Serious finish. Luke Leighfield posted this article earlier today; it makes for an interesting read - Why You Don't Care About The Deaths Of Millions Of People
If the title is too depressing for you, watch Simon's Cat again and remember that at least there are cats in the world. Hooray!

See you in two weeks chums.

Act Like There's Stuff I Gotta Do

Salutations!

Apologies again for the lateness of this post, but I do have a pretty good reason in that our internet...box...thing (router?) just gave up last night. I ended up completely livid and extremely passive-aggressive towards anyone that came near me. It was one of those last-straw type situations; on its own, I probably wouldn't have become so immeasurably furious, BUT I'd just got back from Sainsburys where:

1. a small ratty child kicked me and its mother just carried on gazing into her shopping trolley full of junk food

2. a car full of d-bags parked next to me and one of them had opened their door onto my car and left a lovely right-angled scratch and when I looked at it and looked at them, they stared back at me in a very threatening....'do you dare accuse us?' kind of a way. 

3. as I returned home, carrying 3 bags of shopping-which-should-really-have-been-packed-into-4-but-I-didn't-want-to-admit-that-I'd-bought-4-bags-of-shopping-just-for-myself, the wind simultaneously blew my skirt up and my hair over my face so I was humiliated and blind. 

And then I got home, and I fell over Pin. And then the internet broke. So I think, by that stage, my rage was justified.

The internet being broken was also a total timing fail in terms of the London riots and keeping up with coverage and contact with people.  I have a lot of family living near Croydon, my brother is in South East London and I have friends living all across London. Last night was a fearful time, sitting glued to BBC News 24, watching entire buildings engulfed in flames, people's homes being destroyed in minutes, and wondering how on earth this had happened. It felt like I was watching scenes from a film, or coverage of riots in far away countries. It's a terrifying time, and I can hardly believe it's happening. 

It feels, to me, kind of flippant to do this blog as usual but I am going to carry on as normal and hope that you enjoy this week's selection of goodies. 

ONE. 

Starting with a little light relief, this has become one of my favourite videos of all time. I found it this week and I laughed and laughed and keep going back onto it and laughing again. Even thinking about it is making me lol. HAHA enjoy it, it's magnificent. 

TWO.

I spent last Tuesday at my delightful friend JJ's house, accompanied by other Great Mate™ Jess. JJ had made loads and loads of food for us, which we ate. She had bought cans of Pimms and Cosmopolitans, which we drank. She had put up bunting, which we admired. We lay in the sun all day, bemoaning our mothers, despairing over our unemployment, and making extravagant plans for the future. When the sun went down, we clambered into her hot tub and continued in deep, meaningful conversations, and didn't talk at all about drunken misdemeanors, weird old men, or the pros and cons of bikini waxing. Then JJ's neighbour approached us through the hedge and informed us that her "bathroom window was open" meaning she could "hear literally everything you are saying". We apologised, and giggled a lot, and carried on more quietly. Oh lols. 

THREE. 

This website is absolutely amazing. I'm such a fan of incredible sky photography (cliché much?) and these photos of terrifyingly sublime weather are wonderful. I found it through time-wasters-website-of-choice StumbleUpon which you should definitely spend some time on. 

FOUR.

When I was at uni, I had the pleasure of living with some hilarious people who I am blessed to call my very great friends. We had various ongoing lols, as I'm told most friends do, including "lovely tender African bananas", "fried-day", "-bagpipes? -oh you twat" and "low is good". However, a topic soon arose that we bonded over, laughed over, and felt deeply moved by.... 

The horrendous, yet somehow compelling, writing of Jodi Picoult. We love to hate her.

Here is a wonderful website that lists some truly exceptional quotes from her books. I mean, we're talking "You don't need water to feel like you're drowning, do you?". And "The bottom line is that we never fall for the people we're supposed to".

This week marks a new chapter - creation of our own Jodi-esque quotes. The die was cast by Kate, who opened with "Our hearts beat to the left of our body and maybe that is the reason why sometimes the heart isn't always right"

Please feel free to submit your own. PLEASE. 

FIVE. 

Last but not least, I began a new book this week, entitled The Interpretation of Murder by Jed Rubenfeld. It's about a trip Freud made to America before he was super famous. It's all conjecture but it looks like it has the potential to be acceptable. At the moment, it's not that well written, with loads of random, unnecessary sentences thrown in, or clarifications that the author seems to feel require whole sentences of their own. The jury's out, I'll let you know the verdict. 

Til next time, slackers.

#MiddleClassWoes

Friends and followers, welcome to this week's outpouring. Writing this post has taken me lightyears; I had my travel vaccinations for Zimbabwe this morning and now my arms are basically useless. #middleclasswoes. Hepatitis B, you fiend.
Anyway, this week has been very enjoyable, highlights including a visit from my friend Jess, a lovely coffee and chat with my friend Rosie and then WOMAD all weekend, which combined some incredible music with some incredible friends. Good times.

I also went to see Horrible Bosses at the cinema - what a fiasco. We turned up, and three of us bought our tickets at the self-service machines, and then it sold out as the fourth person was trying to buy theirs. I had to do my very best smile and charm to make them refund the three of us, and then it was a dash across town to the other cinema. It was worth it though, there were lols a-plenty. Not as good as Bridesmaids though. You should definitely see that.

In other news, I'm reading a book at the moment called Song of Songs which follows a woman's life and is set against the backdrop of World War One, before, during and after. She's super upper class but trains to be a nurse and there are funny bits which would make a brilliant montage in a lighthearted rom-com, like where she gets to the hospital and doesn't know how to sweep. Literally, has no idea how to even hold a broom. And then her nail snags and she doesn't know how to cut her nails. And the food is crap and she's all like "Mama would not even feed this to the servants". Anyway, it's very good, but it's getting a bit harrowing, loads of characters keep dying, and the descriptions of some of the injured soldiers are a little too graphic. I think it'll take some time to recover from this one haha. But I'm really enjoying it, classic staying-up-mentally-late to keep reading it.

SO, onto this week's Top Five, brought to you by McVitie's Jaffa Cakes because I ate an entire packet last night.


ONE. 
Has to be WOMAD. What a wonderful weekend. For those of you who are not local to Malmesbury, WOMAD stands for World of Music, Arts and Dance and is a festival that is held mere minutes from the town. Friends who've been to Glastonbury say it's like a tiny version of that. In previous years it's been either rainy or a bit cold, or patchy weather, but it was warm all weekend which meant lots of sitting on the grass in the sun, listening to some lovely world music. I also bought some mental harem trousers.  Highlight for me was definitely Rodrigo y Gabriela, oh my days, they were absolutely incredible. It was SO busy though, the tent was rammed and we made the mistake of leaving a bit before they came on to go to the bar and then had to fight through while carrying pints. A big fat woman got really stressy and did this crazy wide dancing so that we couldn't get past, and then swore at us for trying to get round her, and she made me spill some drink on her with her flailing dancing and then got annoyed with me. It was traumatic.
Another high point was seeing my lovely friend Sally Archer perform on the Roots Architecture stage, but more about that later (oooh, suspense).
The whole festival was just amazing and I got to drink lots and lots of chai.  I also saw my great friends Sarah and Tom who were fresh off their honeymoon and full of adventurous stories from their travels.

TWO.
Following last week's mention of the famine in Africa, I'd like to bring Matt Withers to your attention. He is an exceptionally talented graphic designer and is running an offer on his own-brand tshirt, from which all the proceeds go to Christian Aid. He's only got one left though - one of you should definitely buy it. After you've done that, check out his blog and tell all your friends about him.

THREE. 

I mentioned Sally Archer in my WOMAD section and now she's getting a whole section to herself. Sally is an incredible soul singer who will one day be super famous and people will cover her songs on youtube and set them as their ringtones. You should totally go to her myspace and listen to her tracks. She's playing at Fieldview festival this weekend and will soon be releasing an EP. Keep an eye on her MYSPACE for details of gigs and exciting news. She is great. Here's a video of her performing at the Cheltenham Jazz Festival.

FOUR
My next top thing of this week is Luke Leighfield. He is also an incred musician, and his album Have You Got Heart? is one of the best things to happen to me ever. You should definitely download it because it is very brilliant. He is also really funny and nice. BUT he also sold me series one of Prison Break which I started watching yesterday - oh em geeeez, it is very good. I'm such a sucker for american television, it's embarrassing. So that's my new thing until season seven of House comes out, coz obvi that's going to be amaze. Thank you Luke for selling me Prison Break, and thank you for making good music because I like it a lot.

FIVE.
Pin. She ate three bowls of cat food yesterday because there are people staying with us and they thought they should feed the cats (pause for a moment of incredulity)
....
So they put two bowls down and she ate them all. I haven't seen her all morning, she's probably still in bed, nursing her binge-eating hangover.
We also had to take her to the vet which was a hilarious venture. Although, now she is slimmer, she fits much more comfortably in the box, but she protests vocally and loudly.

Until next time chums. Be good.

Ballad of Mona Lisa

Greetings one and all.
I have returned from holiday thus the ramblings continue. Holiday was great. Bet you're jel. 
I've decided that I need a little more direction to my eloquence, so henceforth I shall bring you my Top Five of the past week. Top Five things. Don't try to pin me down on this (haha 'pin') coz I'm just going with it.  Try really hard to do great things so I notice it and put it on here. I mean....that's like...real fame. You'll be on the Internet. Everybody knows that Internet=fame. 


ONE. 
Panic! At The Disco's (look, I even put the !) new album. I mean...I think I summed it up pretty succinctly when I experienced this album on holiday. Half way through a margarita with the album on in the background at "party volume", I suddenly announced "This is so good! I feel like I'm alive!" That's all the reviewing it needs. 

TWO.
I stumble about a lot on stumbleupon and I recently staggered onto this incred German advertising campaign.  I lold, and then showed it the boyf who also enjoyed it. 
Life's Too Short For The Wrong Job

THREE.
Holiday has to feature on here properly as it was a pretty major feature of the past week. We went to Salcombe with Great Mates Joel and Emily™. We played a lot of Cranium and drank a lot of cocktails. We did a big walk to a very disappointing location (involving a fictitious clifftop centre) and we went to see the final Harry Potter film. I am a ridiculous Harry Potter fan. I was mentally excited and cried an improbable volume of tears. Although the atmosphere at the end was somewhat ruined when someone fell over in the cinema. 
Here is a picture of the wondrous occasion. 

Note the lost lamb in the background 

FOUR. 
I had the pleasure of playing with an iPad 2 this week. It was very exciting, zipping your finger across the screen and things swooshing about. Then I had a dream about owning one. If I had loads of money I would totes get one for entertainment purposes.


FIVE. 
The above things perhaps seem a little flippant in a time when there have been so many horrible things in the news over the past few weeks and days. Maybs my last thing can be to point you in the direction of the news reports of the shootings in Norway and the terrible drought in Somalia, Ethiopia and Kenya. Read up, makes you realise how blessed we are. 


Until next time chums. 

Keys to the Lighthouse

In my first year at university, instead of reading my course text for that week, I read The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon, which was absolutely brilliant, such an interesting plot, and very different to anything I'd read before. The protagonist is a young boy, and his character is fascinating. I felt he was really honestly written and y'know how sometimes you read a book and you're like 'yeah..I feel like I've read you a thousand times before'?  Well, Zafon's protagonist seemed to me to entirely different to the norm. 

However, maybe it's because he writes in Spanish, and his novels are translated so something is lost, or maybe it's just a difference from British characters, and I know I said I felt this protagonist is honestly written, but there's something about the protagonists that make you kind of dislike them. They're sometimes cowardly, or they're pervy, or they're self-deprecating, or they smoke like...a thousand cigarettes a minute and then complain about it, but I never read his books and warm to the characters. Having said that, the male role model is always great, whether it's the dad, the friendly shopkeeper, or the lighthouse keeper. 


So after The Shadow of the Wind, I thought 'wow yeah, I'm totes going to read more of this guy', so read The Angel's Game. It was one of the weirdest books I have EVER. READ. I got to the end and was like "say what!?"  There are like...3 storylines, but they don't overlap, they just come one after the other, and seem to be vaguely linked...sometimes...but then sometimes not...and you're not sure if the guy's died at one point coz he seems to die but then the book carries on as if he's alive...it is SO weird haha. Super enjoyable at the time, but maybe not the most fulfilling reading experience. 

SOOO, then I saw this really thin book, only 200 pages, written by the same guy, called The Prince of Mist - equally vague title, equally gothic feel. It's one of the first books he ever wrote, initially intended for a young adult audience.
Ominous.
I finished it today and it was actually much better than I was expecting. I kept having to take little breaks though coz I was getting so freaked out. It is SUPER gothic, but the terror is definitely worse than the horror; the build up is mental, but the perpetrator is a bit wet. 
There's this bit with a locked wardrobe...and then the key turns by itself....and then... a cat comes out haha. But behind it there are some creepy lit up eyes....and whispering voices...she turns to run but the front door has locked itself ...she feels an "icy wind"....the voices say her name... EEEE I'm getting freaked out just writing about it haha. I went to the cafe where I used to work and bought some cake to comfort me. 

So to sum up my ramblings about an author who wrote a book I read today, Carlos Ruiz Zafon's books are mentally gothic, highly compelling and also include very good descriptions of food and atmosphere. Just don't read The Angel's Game first. 


2. In other entertainment news, I watched The Killing last night - is anyone watching it? I saw the adverts on tv and thought it looked good - oh my days, it is soooo great. I love a good crime thriller haha. It follows a murder investigation of a teenage girl, but it's just so well made, the acting is flawless and the atmosphere is almost tangible in nearly every scene. PLUS, it's not too scary, and I get scared so easily, so it's grand to know I can watch terror-free. Super excited for the rest of the series. 

3. Also, I'm going on holiday tomorrow. EEP!

I Kiss You A Thousand Times

Greetings on Day 2. 


Today has been far less productive that yesterday. 


1. Pin woke me from a mental dream. I dreamt that the Archer women, Katie and I were all arguing over who Emily likes more. Then Neill had to get involved to calm us all down.  HA. Anyway, so Pin woke me up with this infernal scratching at my door, I don't know where she learnt how to do it. Now she's taught Lucy how to do it and if I don't answer in what they deem to be an acceptable length of time, they double team me until I freak out with anger. So then she's shouting at me to feed her, whining, running about shouting for food, trying to break into the food cupboard, assuring me she hasn't been fed for days, claiming she's wasting away, bemoaning her filmy skin dripping from mere bones. I put down her food, and minutes later was informed by our cleaner (lol, hello bourgeois) that Pin had already eaten all of her own and Lucy's food. PIN! 
She is supposed to be on a diet. Why give up now Pin?  

Who can deny this imploring face?

2. Then I went into Malmes to post a glowing CV for a job that will certainly turn me down. I'd figured this excursion would take up at least an hour of my day but I totes overestimated and was home again in like 10 minutes. And the cleaner was still getting all about the place, casting disapproving eyes over my attire; tutting as she glanced at the clock when I rolled out of bed, hollering at Pin; huffing as I sat on cushions she'd just plumped. I felt unwanted in my own home. 


3. I made this boy come and pick me up 

and then I got in the way while he tried to work and I wrote witty and insightful comments on his arm ("I love bums", "Also, I love men") hahaaaa. 


4. Then I read some books to keep my brain alive. I found a love poetry book in Oxfam ages and ages ago and I liked it because of the picture on the front. Usually I hate poetry, and I hated most of this book but there were some lovely bits. And a funny one called 'Song of the Fucked Duck' HAHA, but it wasn't as good as it sounds. It wasn't even about a duck. 
Here are some good extracts for your reading pleasure:

• "There is a strong wall about me to protect me:/ It is built of the words you have said to me"
• "Why do I love? Go, ask the Glorious Sun/Why every day it round the world doth run"
• "I would beat with your heart as it beats, I would follow your soul as it leads"

5. Then I read a book that was mentioned in the Sex and the City Movie (shame) and it seemed super good so I googled it and it doesn't actually exist but is based on a book called Love Letters of Great Men and Women so I bought that. There are some super great bits from famous old people like Byron, Shelley, Mozart, Beethoven. I'm pretty sure no one reading this is that bothered about quotes from poetry or other people's love letters, so I'll just include one that is simple but lovely. 

I can only live, either altogether with you or not at all.

6. Then I started reading another book but got super sleepy so I watched Gilmore Girls and ate a horrid brazil nut that I found in my mum's room.

It was in a bag, not just like...on the floor. But it was still gross. 

7. Today's job applications total at 0. Hoping I'll somehow still become employed. TWO SLEEPS UNTIL HOLIDAY. 

Day One

Hello blog. 


I've decided to start writing this blog because I am unemployed and can feel my brain melting through lack of use. 


This week has been quite fun though...


1. My wonderful friends Sarah and Tom got married, with a beautiful country wedding. Lots of bunting and lots of rain. 

2. Having finished at the cafe, I served my final coffee with my final defiance being in the shape of a star. 

3. Last night I stayed up until 2.30am trying to finish The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton which had suddenly become super-gripping, but tiredness defeated me. I finally came to the end this afternoon. I've been reading it for weeks but haven't found time between depressing shifts to finish it. 
It was brilliant, albeit slightly slow to begin with. It's about a little girl found alone on a boat, with just a suitcase and no idea of her name or where she's come from. When she's an old woman, she spends her final years trying to discover her past, but when she dies, her granddaughter takes up the task. It's set in three different time periods so was quite confusing at the beginning, and there were quite a few characters all introduced at once but after settling into it, it was so compelling.  I read The House at Riverton before, which got going almost immediately, and was only set in two different periods, but both were equally dramatic and absorbing. 
I'm considering buying a Kindle....I think I would miss actual books way too much though. What a geek. 

4. Also today, I spent four hours applying for five jobs. PLEASE someone employ me.